live live live

when something goes wrong in our day, we tend to think damn , my day is wrecked. but it isn't. you had a Bad moment during your day, or maybe a bad couple hours............. or even if something monumental. This too shall pass....and it does. it always does.
I often wonder how I sound in these journals..........
I miss our son who lives out in los angelos so much I an Feel the pain. Wen I hear his children on the phone or see them on the web cam, I dont feel them closer but further from me.I cant touch them.......hold them..........see them.....................participate in their lives............

I am ill

I have not been writing any journal entries or republishing my old one with my stories for you to read because I have been ill or in pain all winter. We are in south carolina. the weather this winter here has been terrible. my husband was not at his best when we first arrived. our dog was just diagnosed with Diabetes. . it is the are of the dog that has made my being ill almost unbearable. he needs to go outside every 2 to 3 hours the most....... He went blind the first week we were here so we could not send him down to one of us or the other..........but he trusts us as follows our lead unconditionally. Such a good dog. right to the end...................No one is here to really help me. irv will do it.to point.................. I .need unconditional...........
so my jaw feels out of alignment..............my head hurt. I cant walk from here to well , anywhere with our pain I ca not bear anymore. my back which I was told gave me great pain most of y lie annnnnnnnnnnd didnt.now hurts.........other than the igh bood pressure and good only know the cholesterol Numbers....I AM JUST fiiiinneeeeeee AND DANNNNNNDY

To do whats right,
Often we must whats wrong
Not because it is wrong
But because it has been understood’
And what we do not understand we brand WRONG

I was happy to have a blog . It got me to stay on track keeping a journal but now that am concerned about being not found on the internet mostly for he sake of my family members. While I like most people crave attention, thre is sorts of attention that no one would call agreeable It is o avoid one such sort of attention that I go to this as my journal. I would love to contine t hand write a journal but m hands are aging. While my body is holding on n some ways, in others I am old before my time. My hands I believe are one of the victims of my age. I cant write with out pain I can hardly use the keyboard of a computer for very long for the same reason.
Things have no been good . Well, that’s not new is it. But when I give in to it, that’s not usualy now is it??
So where do I begin Irv is getting wore and worse at cring the blues. My mother used to call it cring in your beer but he doesn not drink beer.

Diane
Diane De Baun Barlin
There are things I do not want to add to my blog which is my real journal keeper these days so this will be for those days I feel I can not put something where just anyone can read it.. I am so so upset right now, I could just through myself over a cliff especially if the wind is blowing and its raining. It would feel like heaven. I want to go home I want tog home, I want to go home. Not that it woud make a dfferance if we were at home. Then Irv would RUN not walk to Mleanies to get doj. I want to be alone. I don’t even want him around if I can manage it . What I am saying is I don’t want to deal with anyone. ANYONE. No dealing.just let me do during a day…..a few days, a lot of days that I eel NEED doing or I want to do..Why is that so muc to ask of in your own life. A husband shoul not be someone making all yor days feel like you are on a world wind slave ship…go go go .do do do………Its not that there is not always something that needs doing at home but I would prefer to ace myself and live life a loooooooooooooottttttt slower than Irv s warp speed got to fill every minute hyper active nervous system. Well, I am overwhelmed of late. To say the least. I think this is the last year I will be coming to Los angelos. Michael Lee said California was a 5 year plan. I know he wants to come back east and had this 5 year plan but I don’t think he will be able to keep that lan .like all our hopes, reality has a way of creeping in and making changes for us especially in time lines…. I am upset. I am upset .Things are changing again and not for the better. I was thinking about people like Harrison ford today ( don’t ask me why he came to mind. I have no idea) and how he must go to bed at night and say to himself Life is good. And he has had a long to me to say it. like a mantra.. I can recall times I felt I had a lot to be grateful for . Life wa good as long as I kept a zen christian You don’t need things etc etc to be happy bull shit attitude. I don’t have I today…….. I haven’t had it for a while. Even before I got home from sc. We are here in los angelos in this little apartment with my son, daughter in law and 2 grandchildren.