Diane
Diane De Baun Barlin
There are things I do not want to add to my blog which is my real journal keeper these days so this will be for those days I feel I can not put something where just anyone can read it.. I am so so upset right now, I could just through myself over a cliff especially if the wind is blowing and its raining. It would feel like heaven. I want to go home I want tog home, I want to go home. Not that it woud make a dfferance if we were at home. Then Irv would RUN not walk to Mleanies to get doj. I want to be alone. I don’t even want him around if I can manage it . What I am saying is I don’t want to deal with anyone. ANYONE. No dealing.just let me do during a day…..a few days, a lot of days that I eel NEED doing or I want to do..Why is that so muc to ask of in your own life. A husband shoul not be someone making all yor days feel like you are on a world wind slave ship…go go go .do do do………Its not that there is not always something that needs doing at home but I would prefer to ace myself and live life a loooooooooooooottttttt slower than Irv s warp speed got to fill every minute hyper active nervous system. Well, I am overwhelmed of late. To say the least. I think this is the last year I will be coming to Los angelos. Michael Lee said California was a 5 year plan. I know he wants to come back east and had this 5 year plan but I don’t think he will be able to keep that lan .like all our hopes, reality has a way of creeping in and making changes for us especially in time lines…. I am upset. I am upset .Things are changing again and not for the better. I was thinking about people like Harrison ford today ( don’t ask me why he came to mind. I have no idea) and how he must go to bed at night and say to himself Life is good. And he has had a long to me to say it. like a mantra.. I can recall times I felt I had a lot to be grateful for . Life wa good as long as I kept a zen christian You don’t need things etc etc to be happy bull shit attitude. I don’t have I today…….. I haven’t had it for a while. Even before I got home from sc. We are here in los angelos in this little apartment with my son, daughter in law and 2 grandchildren.