I had deleted all my journals in an attempt to safe guard my granddaughter from something that could have hurt her life forever. But in the past few months things have changed. as in all things. things are ever changing. Shy {we wil use her nickname} knows the truth of her life and is handing it so well. better than some adults I know who faced much the same thing. I am so so proud of her maturity and her comfort in the fact that those people around her now who have been around her love her deeply , truly and forever..........So I can go back to my journal keeping.
I urn 60 in 2 days. but I move like a woman of 80. I look like my father at 83. I try not to let it defeat me. but in my defense, this time of year I usually go into a depression, grand funk that lasts about the month long. I have read it is a very usual thing but I believe for me it is a nuclear blow up because of the fact my birthday Christmas and Hanukkah etc etc etc are all wrapped up in it..ugh I will survive.
Life does not get harder and harder as you get older. sure the medical problems may escalate as the years go on but the reason we all feel like get harder is because its the same problems , the same weights on our shoulders and our minds. we manage to work through them but we don't really solve them or get rid of them so therefore. we face them over and over again as the year go on and that my dears is what gets harder........facing the same troubles over and over again. If you come to terms with the yin and yang of yor own personal life. those things that are in your life and will remain in your life until the day you pass on, you will be better equipped to flow through it rather that hit it like a brick wall. over and over again. your siblings, your mother in law. who yor mother loves best. who your boss advanced over you............on and on and on.........So whenever you can , wipe the slate clean and begin again.............it doesn't matter how many times you begin again. it matters that you did not give up and DID begin again. each time, you will find you have something less on your plate to deal with. something that doesn't see quite as important as it did before.Something that life took are of for you. Something so much more troubling that to worry or fret over this or that other thing seems so silly and wasteful. Actually the truth is.it is..................you life and then you dy. who yo spoke with . who loved you or didn't like you. who got that promotion or new car................next to a grave......none of it seems important. you could have been hugging a child or singing a song. but you were battling something that could not be changed and did not really matter in the end...........at the grave, no one thinks of anything except if the person was loved or a good person. Did you take up space or matter in someones life?????????????????
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