terrible.....sweet.good.bad

this has been quite a week in a series of quite a week. I have been scheduled for hip surgery. a very dear friend committed suicide. irv went in for a epidural shot . the next day he went down to his knees screaming in pain.he had a blood clot. it took me another 24 hours to gt him to go to the hospital to do whatever needed doing. he is still in the hospital. he comes home tomorrow. Poor guy. I went to the funeral today alone and the wake afterwards. then home to my dog who I think has had it. it may be time to put him to sleep. I have to come up with a decent manner of for all of us to say goodbye to him. especially for the kids. I saw today we feel deep grief so deep it nearly breaks us. But we have a power to feel the lost person in r hearts . Through that feeling , its as if they were not dead but somewhere away on a trip or vacation. They will come back. we will see them again. we dont mind not knowing when. the passing depth of grief is happy to give over to the illusion in our hearts. I am overwhelmed with my own depression. The only peace I find are in those moments I a tricking my own mind into thinking my parents are retrning to NY this week to live ot the rest of their lives. My son is going to surprise me on my doorsteep with his family in toe moving back home to NY with us to begin until he gets on his feet. I wil wake up tomorrow 50 pounds lighter. I will feel no pain every again . I will be able to run and dance and jump. Mostly I will be able to take long walks onthe beach with my darling husband. depression is an illness I feelwe all suffer from. whether we tak emedicatio for it or not. whether it was diagnosed or not. We all suffer from it and need to find ways to rise above it. methods to keep it at bay......... Life is too sweet. too magic and wonderful to be lost to a silent demon running chemically through our bodies assited by the outside forces of the negative sadness or money woos we suffer each day........... at the very least. call a friend or a family member. say hello. I love you. Share these small moments and the rest of your day will rise up to greet yu with happiness, joy . At the very least contentment. and there is alot to be said for being content...........